"I had a definite philosophy which was a sort of aristocratic egotism. I considered that I was a fortunate youth capable of expansion to any extent for good or evil. I based this, not on latent strength, but upon facility and superior mentality. I thought there was nothing I could not do, except, perhaps, become a mechanical genius; still I traced special lines in which I considered I must excel, even in the eyes of others. First: Physically - I marked myself handsome; of great athletic possibilities, and an extremely good dancer. Here I gave myself about eighty percent. Second: Socially - In this respect, my condition was, perhaps, magnetism, poise, and the ability to dominate others. Also I was sure that I exercised a subtle fascination over women. Third: Mentally - Here I was sure that I had a clear field in the world. I was vain of having so much, of being so talented, ingenuous and quick to learn.

To balance this I had several things on the other side. First: Morally - I thought I was rather worse than most boys, due to latent unscrupulousness and the desire to influence people in some way, even for evil. I knew I was rather cold; capable of being cruel; lacked a sense of honor, and was mordantly selfish. Second: Psychologically - Much as I influenced others, I was by no means the "Captain of my Fate." I had a curious cross section of weakness running through my character. I was liable to be swept off my poise in a timid stupidity. I knew I was "fresh" and not popular with older boys. I knew I was completely the slave of my own moods, and often dropped into a surly sensitiveness most unprepossessing to others. Third: Generally - I knew I had no real courage, perseverance or self-respect.

So you see I looked at myself in two ways. There seemed to have been a conspiracy to spoil me and all my inordinate vanity was absorbed from that. All this was on the surface, however, and liable to be toppled over at one blow by an unpleasant remark or a missed tackle; and underneath it, came my own sense of lack of courage and stability. If I may push it farther still, I should say that, underneath the whole thing lay a sense of infinite possibilities that was always with me whether vanity or shame was my mood."